Hot Blog Dog Blog Editorial Board Endorses Jon Sewell for Mayor of Nashville

Our interview with Jon Sewell is part of Hot Blog Dog Blog's ongoing coverage of Nashville's mayoral election. More from our interview with Sewell will be published later this week.

NASHVILLE, TN --  From the beginning, life is futile. The purposeless universe births us into day after lifeless day of self-pity and deep, unfathomable regret. Slowly you wither away into wasted, degraded space before ultimately returning to nothingness for eternity. And, throughout it all, you will know very little. These are the facts. And where are we really? A godless city on a godless planet in a vast and indifferent universe? Having never existed at all would have yielded far less sorrow and virtually no hardship whatsoever. But you're here anyway, so live with this - you can essentially do anything you want in your life, and, ultimately, it affects very little. The wiser of us know that the only thing important to your time here is to get ahead. Get rich and powerful. And only one mayoral candidate is telling it like it is: Jon Sewell. Sewell's platform of  Corruption, Hypocrisy, Influence, and Taxes (CHIT) affords us all the opportunity to bask in what Capitalism affords the best of us, CHIT.

It is perhaps the only respectable quality of both Socialist David Briley and Extreme Leftist John Cooper that they engage in this sort of ideological delusion that wealth and status are all that matter. You must spend to make, as they say. And the Mayor of Nashville wields the awesome power of total making, so why not spend? The difference between these Communist candidates and Jon Sewell is the openness, and telling-it-like-it-is-ness that epitomizes the latter candidate. And yet the media treats Sewell like some sort of outcast! Why is the Fraternal Order of Police - the most rational voice in this city - endorsing Communist John Cooper? It's one thing for the liberal media, WPLN (our NPR affiliate) to reject Sewell as a candidate - that is to be expected. But for our own David Briley - Master of Privatization - to squash a free market enterprise (scooters) and then have the nerve to even run against Sewell? I'm ashamed of my city for allowing such unchecked Marxism to stomp on our good name.

Why would our beloved Fraternal Order of Police (the only Pro-Fascist voice) endorse a Communist, such as John Cooper?

HBDB: The Defining Conservative Voice For Hot Dog Blogging In the Greater Nashville Area, LLC is inspired by the different type of campaign Sewell, who is "down to clown to save this town," is running, as we are a different type of media. Over the course of our interview, it became apparent that we were on the same page. Telling us without hesitation that he likes his dogs "[prepared] typically by others," and "we know that them veggie dogs don't grill that well," it is well established that he would lead our city back into the throws of a Wienerssance. He knows what we've been thinking for a long time: "this town needs an enema." We are a stain, it's true, and thank God someone is saying finally saying it. Each day lived is another absurd vanity. I digress.

Sewell is always out to get ahead, just like us at HBDB. Via email correspondence the candidate recalled being "utterly convinced to this day that my frequent exercise" in the customer loyalty program of a gas station's hot dogs "forced them to rebrand and no longer honor preexisting agreements." A loyalist to the wiener through and through, this candidates shines brighter than any Nashville political dynasty that you have to choose from, and certainly better than Carol Swain, who we, as Conservative blog, would have liked to have supported, but the PC crowd would have forced us off the net. It is not hard to cater to Nashville's hot dog community in terms of platform - just don't infringe on our rights to eat pork products. Particularly the pork products that are not cosmetically sufficient for outright consumption, such as the eyes, hooves, and penis of the pig that are ground up into a gross, pink slush before being bagged, cooked, and consumed by us for a moment's distraction from the eternal void that calls us all eventually. Sewell has a track record of doing this time and time again, whereas these other, more foolish candidates do not.

It makes me sick that these two had sex many times, often rendezvousing in a graveyard. 

What's the point? Essentially nothing. Let us enjoy a wiener or two, okay? This town has been through enough as it is - our former Communist mayor couldn't help but have loveless, sex-only romances with security details, and our current Socialist mayor can't help but have loveless, sex-only relationships with destroying private transit companies. Hot Blog Dog Blog: The Hot Dog Blog endorses Jon Sewell for Mayor of Nashville. Election Day is August 1st. Consider voting for the only true pro-wiener candidate.