Nashville Perilously Refuses to Elect Pro-Wiener Candidate Jon Sewell

Our interview with Jon Sewell is part of Hot Blog Dog Blog's coverage of Nashville's mayoral election. 

NASHVILLE, TN -- There used to be hope for life on Earth. But then what is hope, if not the fatalistic concept that enslaves us all? The humorless universe gets the last laugh every time. Man will know nothing but crushing defeat - death being God's Last Laugh. Yet each time we suffer defeat we come back for more. Our "city" is living proof. Congratulations, we've fucked ourselves into another runoff between a Socialist and an Authoritarian Communist. And you thought we could sink no lower than a graveyard rendezvousing sex maniac mayor? Think again.

Apparently a good spot for a lay, if you believe our former mayor.

Anti-privatization David Briley is laughing from his one bedroom apartment in Donelson, theorizing the various ways in which he will welcome other cultures into the City Under the Eyes of Our Beautiful American God. Soon the wiener game will be driven out of town. Or worse, out of existence. Ask the Communist NPR affiliate, WPLN, who they want to win. They won't even listen to a Pro-Pork Diet Candidate, let alone a revolutionary one as we have with Jon Sewell. Chas Sisk is likely a state sponsored propagandist - I am actually quite close to proving this.

Once I have connected all the dots, it will be clear that Chas Sisk is out to spread disinformation on behalf of the Secret Liberal Government

Sewell made clear that he would not interfere in the thriving interest of tasty dogs in our interview, admitting, "while my political platform is 'Not Left, Not Right, It's Not Wrong Either!' I must share that I do aim to eat fewer meat products going forward in life." It's not easy to admit when you're wrong, but Sewell makes clear that although he clearly has some issues in regards to doggy indulgence, he knows he is wrong, and thus, that he will not interfere in our rights. He also had an open-minded approach to dealing with Hometown Hero Cade Cothren's illicit, boyish antics. "I've heard the sausages are out and hot down at Party Fowl," offered Sewell after reflecting. (Editor's Note: Hot Blog Dog Blog was unaware of any sausages being served at Party Fowl, and is investigating this claim). "Sometimes you're Glen, sometimes you're out." It's true - we all make mistakes as young boys, even those of us in our thirties!

Cade Cothren: Now On Twitter

This kind of openness and clear-eyed American optimism is the only that could possibly lead us into a citywide Golden Era of Wieners. Yet we lap it up, coming back for more and more, punishing ourselves by likely electing Socialist Fraternal Order of Police Endorsed John Cooper. Clearly not quite jaded due to the naivety of youth, Sewell lent Hot Blog Dog Blog: Nashville Scene's Number One Choice for Conservative Hot Dog Blogging in Nashville, LLC a voice of encouragement. "I'm the product of my conditioning," he said. "I am I and my circumstances. I've been up, I've been down, take my word I've been around... And looking up at the hot air, I know this town needs an enema. So why not get deep into the game and go straight to the jugular in the big top? I'm down to clown to save this town."

Just like Ronald Reagan, Sewell lives with a never quit, never surrender mentality. "Last year, I asked the impossible task of an informed criticism, and just got personal attacks. I came in last, behind some guy named 'write-in' and still refuse to make a concession or confession." (Editor's Note: Write-In is an Antifa term used to intimidate Christians).

The unstoppable tide of the universe is toppling us as we speak. We can't stop it. We can only make it easier on ourselves. We only have one desire on this earth: the meat sack slapped between buns, topped with onions, peppers, special sauces, prepared with different cooking methods! Now we are truly fucked. Soon the people will control the means of production, and they will slaughter the wiener manufacturers first (financially). What will we eat then? Kale? Carrot dogs? With nothing left to indulge, we will perish. Whether or not we deserve it is up to you. I didn't vote!

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