Review: Drifters Slow Smoked Beer Brat

At this point, it is nearly impossible to believe that the force of the universe exists with any inclination of neutrality. Why then would we suffer as endlessly as we do, with each fleeting moment only serving to damage someone somewhere? There is no question - the world is in a constant state of degradation. We plunge ourselves, willingly, into a feculent void where all the many dreams of you and everyone you know have come to die with you. Life itself is brief. The shame of having lived lasts an eternity. We will be forced to grapple infinitely with the fact that we have done nothing but harm to the universe for as long as mankind can be traced, and accept that we deserve whatever we get. Our self destruction continues even now as the city of Nashville practically crucifies a good man, soon-to-be-former-House Speaker Glen Casada. Forgive me if this sounds impartial, but I've grappled with the things the man did (weird sexual texts, dismissive of racism, looking the other way as a member of his caucus got accused multiple times of sexual assault) and I think he was just a man going through a phase! Clearly that's not the man he is today, even if he did try to frame a black activist and put him in jail just this year! I digress. So it was with haste that I found myself in the throws of Liberal East Nashville at Drifters Bar-B-Q Joint, ordering the only thing on the menu that even resembled a hot dog: the Slow Smoked Beer Brat.

East Nashville is known to Rational Nashville Citizens as the dangerous side of town and a hotbed of communist ideology. It is the only place in the city where you may well run into vegan "restaurant" where they force you to eat grass. In other words, it is uninhabitable to most conservatives, so I do not greet the opportunity to travel there with joy, and, obviously, neither would you. Thankfully, when I arrived at drifters, a country band was singing the good stuff, and instantly I knew I was in the company of like-minded folk. I do not like being challenged on my views, thank you, and I will never be interested in "shaping my world view" by interacting with people from all walks of life. Being in a restaurant with fellow, homogeneous people who know who Jesse Watters is, is disarming and tranquil. I knew I could sit, soak in the good tunes, the good vibes, and the good atmosphere - if only for a brief moment before returning to shocking isolation and self-radicalization. But this cool feeling of total inner peace was halted when my [clearly socialist] waitress delivered my menu and told me she would "be back in a sec" to take my order. Excuse me, what the fuck? I will admit, I hissed at her as she walked away to deliver the food she was holding to the table down from me. I caused a scene. I needed to!

My happy, healthy, white family. 

I don't know what's happening to this city. It used to be a community. Hell, maybe it never was. Maybe I'm the one who's changed. I used to feel love. I used to feel at all. I don't know what happened. I don't have too many meaningful relationships anymore. I probably don't have any. Would I call any relationship I've had meaningful? Shit. I guess I don't know. And money's been real tight. It's not easy living in this town as it becomes an "it" city, especially when you're having trouble finding steady work. I've been late on my rent lately. I even had to cancel my electricity for a few days to save a few bucks. With the way the price of living is going up here, I guess we're all feeling the squeeze. That's why I know it's caused by immigrants. And Nashville is 95% immigrant, according to the most recent numbers, so, being so totally isolated with my thoughts, I have come to believe I am in danger as a white.

What the hell is happening to this city?

Anyway, the menu at Drifters is pretty one note - all barbecue. Only one thing even resembles a hot dog, and it is appropriated from a Liberal Angela Merkel shithole Germany's cuisine. It's the Slow Smoked Beer Brat. Even the name is unappealingly un-American. We Real Americans like our food fast! Leave it to German ingenuity to bring you food cooked slowly on purpose. Even now I am eating microwaved spaghetti from dog bowl. Nonetheless I had to order it, because I could not stomach anything other than a wiener. Of course, I now had to wait seemingly forever for the thing to be delivered to me. And, once it did, I regret to report it did not serve me with delight. I fought like hell just to bite through the ridiculous baguette bun. If I wanted something French in my mouth it would be in the form of a kiss from Rush Limbaugh!

I want to French kiss Rush Limbaugh of the EIB Network

These turbulent times call for turbulent measures. I believe any institution in Nashville catering to what we call the "David Briley Liberal" types should be closed for one day - Memorial Day - as a way to shame them for using their embarrassing lives to serve a communist Nashville transit plan ideology. Shame on you, Drifters. Shame on you, Five Points Pizza. Shame on you, Butcher and Bee. And shame on you most of all, Barista Parlor. You bring a great deal guilt to the city - and the world. Our Democrat Governor Bill Lee shall resign. Glen Casada shall take his place. David Byrd will head the House. Hot Blog Dog Blog will deliver the news of our conservative prosperity. I truly believe, without hesitation, that David Byrd will steer our legislation in the right direction - regardless of his [alleged] attraction for, and assault of, young girls.  It in no way impairs his ability to legislate! Glen Casada will set aside his racism for the good of the state. Yes, we are sailing towards good times if this course of action takes place. We could be a blip of joy in an eternity of otherwise horrifyingly bleak existence. If only.

Glen Casada, please suspend democracy and take control of this state you love. We are begging you.