Fury in Nashville as the Donut & Dog Expands to Downtown

Nashville has been stricken with an incurable plague. A horrible epidemic of chaos and protest is hotly brewing. We sweat coldly through our feverish, fleeting days. The powers that be shake in their boots as they pray to Almighty God that we do not fully realize how unimaginably grim things are imminently going to become when we soon watch the Fifth and Broadway development - a once shining monument of the great power of our economy under free market administrations - expand and allow the Socialist Donut & Dog to plant their roots firmly and hastily in the ground of our forefathers. Indeed, this is merely settled fact. And, in a way, we are all complicit. Perhaps Hot Blog Dog Blog: Nashville's Leading Conservative Hot Dog Publication, LLC did not go far enough in our coverage of their grand opening, wherein they would not honor the late President Reagan (when asked for a comment on this story, HBDB learned Donut & Dog had blocked us on Facebook). Thank God this is the only error in our long history of otherwise flawless coverage.

Nevertheless, it is true that the Donut & Dog is spreading to Fifth and Broadway downtown where the Food Hall Co. have been developing a new structure to house several eateries. No doubt about it, the poetry of this capitalistic move is moving and beautiful. I am truly in awe of anyone with that much power and vision. This assertion that the Donut & Dog is necessary for this venture, however, is absurd, I humbly must put forward to these awe-inspiringly  successful shareholders and executives.

Nashville's Fifth and Broadway

Let me tell you something about Nashville. Our grandest treasure, the Ryman Auditorium, used to be a church, okay? We voted down a much needed and desired train system because we don't need our tyrannical communist government taking more taxes from us. Do you understand? We gave Kid Rock - a man who sacrificed the spectacular image he was afforded from the wealth his family has to look like a rebel badass-redneck-everyman - his own bar on our beloved Broadway, got it? Surely you get the picture by now, but it needs to be said: We are a city built by our capitalistic morals and utter devotion to Jesus Christ, the two of which go hand in hand. We stand with Israel AND the anthem. Don't you ever forget it. The Donut & Dog squashed any belief in our unified ideology with one swift motion. They are almost certainly Socialists who are trying to change the system from within. I can think of no other possibility. Nothing else makes sense. So I believe it as the truth.

Kid Rock and the woman he loved

What is happening to this city? Bob Corker is a liberal now. Our feminazi mayor had occasional regretful, loveless sex in a cemetery. We are charging a police officer - who owes us no explanation as to why he shot and needlessly killed someone who was not an imminent threat to him or anyone else - with a crime. You can't charge a cop with a crime, Mr. Funk! Go back to law school. You are a hack. Be a real lawyer like Glen Casada (EDITOR'S NOTE: We learned after publication that the honorable Speaker Glen Casada - whom we know would move if he were sexually assaulted because he told us - is not a lawyer in the traditional sense). I feel no sense of hope for our future. I can only wait for the fever that has stricken Nashville to claim me. It may be today, it may be tomorrow, but it will come, and I will be silenced. This blog is all I will have had - a testament to a life lived with tremendous respect for Conservative Values and delicious wieners. God's Dream. The American Dream. Allow me to make one last plea to you all: Do not allow the Donut & Dog to spread its horrific message of inclusion and respect for the dignity of every living person further in our God Fearing, American city.

I think this says it all.