"I AM CERTAIN THE NATURAL WARMING AND COOLING OF THE EARTH ISN'T AFFECTED ONE BIT BY COW FARTS" | GRILLING DOGS, CLIMATE CHANGE, AND HIGHER EDUCATION: AN INTERVIEW WITH SENATOR KERRY ROBERTS

NASHVILLE, TN -- The more one learns, the less they know. The pursuit of knowledge only leads to a treasure of disappointment. An eternal understanding of your insignificant size. The worthlessness of every move you have ever made. Why try? Struggle begets struggle. This is the reality of the hot dog scene in Nashville. It is the reality of the world. Our state senator, Kerry Roberts (R), represented us well in the front of the country on that regard, stating his belief that colleges ought to be swiftly and soundly dismantled as they've turned into "liberal breeding grounds." Let everyone feel a little better by being a little dumber. With Capitalism also firmly on our side, how could we fail?

Hot Blog Dog Blog: The Nation's Most Trusted Source For Nashville's Conservative Hot Dog News saw what we thought was a man who knew his way around sausages and dogs. However, the more we uncovered in our interaction with Senator Roberts, the more unseemly our impression of the man became. "We grill occasionally," (emphasis HBDB) he told us. "Although my wife is a far better grillmaster than me." The emasculation of the 21st Century Conservative is what will ultimately be Our End, and here the self destructive plague of subservience to women plows on - a wave of femininity drowning us all until all that remains is a godless matriarchy. Roberts is neither the beginning nor the end. He is the statistical middle that will be forgotten.

Feminism run amok 

As if he couldn't dig himself a deeper hole, Senator Roberts kept on digging, admitting to Hot Blog Dog Blog that "We don't grill hotdogs[sic]." Incredible. And this man is supposed to speak for me? It does not trouble me that Senator Kerry Roberts would like to shut down colleges for political purposes, but the fact that that this supposed Man won't even entertain wienerdom is troubling in the extreme.

The senator went on to contradict himself again, this time in a more sinister manner. When asked about his past - the senator went to college himself - he praised Lipscomb University, his alma mater. Sadly, it appears his liberal indoctrination did take hold of him during his time there. He praised a professor of his, Dr. Axel Swang, whom he referred to as "an icon in accounting." And here we thought this senator was doing a good job - he was merely paying lip service. Another name in a long list of disgraced Tennessee RINOs.

Mindless drones produced by liberal breeding ground Lipscomb University

Fortunately for him, he does have some inclination towards freethinking. For example, Senator Roberts displayed his knowledge of the climate change hoax, and the meat industry's supposed "effect" on the "wellbeing of the planet," saying "that some people suggest [the meat industry is a large contributor to climate change] shows how alarmist opinions have surplanted [sic] facts and recorded data."He added, "We have over 50 years of eco-apocalyptic predictions that the world as we know it is going to end, yet here we are in an environment that is neither the hottest nor the coldest in recorded history." Liberals, this is conservative for "checkmate." Thank God the senator has at least one thing right. Punching one final nail into the coffin, Roberts dealt our Communist underlings a rhetorical death blow, hissing "I am certain the natural warming and cooling of the earth isn't affected one bit by cow farts."

Okay, this fart might change the climate slightly!

They say you should never meet your heroes, and I would have done well to abide by that logic. Of course, tragically, I have fucked myself over once more. It is but another slip down the icy slope towards my conclusion. Another casualty of the liberal breeding ground that is Lipscomb University, Senator Kerry Roberts represents the part of the emasculated Republican Party I wake up screaming about. Having a woman run your grill? Going to college? These are the things of socialists. I am deeply ashamed of this man representing my Grand Old Party, but at least he represents me where it counts - hot dog rights. The Environmentalists will have a field day with the senator's remarks on the climate, but he is right. Cow farts do not affect the warming and cooling of the planet. And that is the only part of the meat process that could possibly contribute. Politics is a game of give and take, baby. Eb and flow. The lesser of two evils. If my only choice is between Senator Roberts and a Feminazi Social Justice Warrior Tree Hugger, which it is, then of course I will choose Roberts. Ban colleges!