More Disturbing Details Emerge About The Donut & Dog

There are few things more important in this world than the rule of law. We got our first set of laws from our Creator, who implemented just ten of them - His only act that I believe He did not fully think out, as we find, time and time again, many ways to bring disappointment and filth to this world in more creative ways than I expect He knew we could achieve. And so man had to pick up where God left off in one last desperate attempt to salvage what we could of our human dignity, so man created the United States of America. One Nation Under God. Period. Each and every rule created thereafter was merely a microcosm of those beautiful laws; a tribute to man's greatest achievement. Such is the nature of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. It exists to remind the hot doggers of the world to be grateful, and to appreciate how far we have come as a group in America - the only land that allows us to flourish. They have created a truly brilliant set of rules by which we all must abide - no exceptions.



Of course, you are on Hot Blog Dog Blog - the most trusted hot dog blog on the net - so my reiteration of the facts may serve little purpose to you. But to any new hot doggers out there, profoundly ignorant of a long held set of standards greater than your self, I needed to get that out there before I dig into the true, sinister purpose of this article.

Not so fast, you dumb child!

In Nashville, we common sense hot doggers have long been under attack by the radical left hot doggers, who claim anything can be a hot dog, or, dumbly, that a hot dog is a sandwich. Leave it to them to determine that anybody can do anything, regardless of their social status or sub-prestigious lineage. I am an unapologetic supporter of traditional hot dog values. It is a relationship between one hot dog and one bun. That is why a recent article in the Tennessean deeply disturbed me and my staff.  As we have discovered recently, The Donut and Dog of Nashville, which replaced the much beloved and respected Dog of Nashville, seeks to attack our values. It seems as thought the new owners have the audacity to rattle the status quo that we dare not question. They are serving "all beef hot dogs wrapped in bacon" and serving "vegetarian options" the likes of which make my blood boil! Meat does not go with meat in the hot dog world - it goes with buns, thank you very much.

The NHDSC tells us on their etiquette page how to dress a hot dog:

Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.

I do not see anywhere in this list of condiments a single reference to providing other meats with which to dress the dog. These unfathomably loathsome hot dog communists are going to try and interject this garbage into our lives whether we like it or not. We do not have much time. This time next year we will probably all be force feeding ourselves bacon wrapped hot dogs, taking in brunch on sunny Sunday mid-mornings, and, most detestably, periodically checking in with one another just to make sure we're "doing okay." We're doomed. This world is screwed. We will all see our own deaths sooner than we thought.   

A sad glimpse into the not so distant future.