COVID 19 - WHERE ARE WE TO EAT?

NASHVILLE, TN -- Nothing is safe. Each fleeting breath we take, in hope of fresh air and tranquility, merely hurls us toward a greater discomfort. We are infected and withering away. It is obvious. Never mind the coronavirus hoax, our existential despair is more infectious and disgusting than anything that could ever be cooked up in a Red Chinese Disease Factory. But let us turn a blind eye to our ever growing internal dread, because - as the corporate media will tell you - there is an apparent army of germs flowing through our streets. And no, these are not the regulatory policies imposed on us by Communist mayors and Sandinista state governments. They are, however, the result of such regulatory policies and bureaucratic institutions, (which we will prove scientifically at a later date). The Liberal Scientists tell us to "stay inside" and "try not to kill any old people because you want to go to a honky tonk," but Hot Blog Dog Blog: Nashville's Leading Voice on Medical Well-Being, Scientific Truth, and Conservative Hot Dog News asks "where can we put all the parts of a pig no one wants - stuffed in a meat sock - in our mouths in public?"

1. The Donut & Dog

Let's just get this out of the fucking way. Yes, the Donut and Dog, located a stone's throw from Vanderbilt Medical Center, where it just so happens the COVID-19 testing is being done in Nashville, is open for business. In a statement on their official Instagram page, the pseudo-wienery said "with so many restaurants across the nation shuttering, we're committed to slinging buttery brioche, sweet and savory and a deep love for community. We've taken our already OCD cleaning game to a whole new level, and are doing everything in our power to make sure our shops remain open..." One has to respect the punching down at other, more health conscious eateries and stigmatization of mental health, but their "love for community" does little to quell Communist accusations. Yes, they are open, but perhaps wear a mask to be safe.

2. Daddy's Dogs

We at HBDB long for the affection and attention of Daddy, but he has refused many requests for interview, often not even acknowledging us. It is perhaps why we have grown so cynical and sad. Be that all as it may, Daddy's Dogs is open during this hoax Martial Law period the media and Democrats have cooked up. Thankfully, Daddy seems smart enough to see through it all. Their Instagram page features a bizarre plea to "Touring Entertainment Friends" who are entitled to a "hot meal." Such blatant support for the arts is dangerously Leftist, and we will monitor the situation as it unfolds.

It's not time to quarantine. It's time to consume.

3. I Dream of Weenie

The Hometown Heroes at I Dream of Weenie have had a rough go of it these past few weeks. First, the Socialist Tornado Hoax saw their government shut off their power for a week purely for political purposes. Now, this same tyrannical government has swooped in with demands they close their door to all commerce due to the coronavirus hoax. It is painfully obvious what is happening here. I Dream of Weenie committed the gravest crime of all in the eyes of our government: they held strong to the Conservative Values of Ronald Reagan and tried to press on during a Leftist Hoax. Just like Iran-Contra or the Nuclear Winter, I Dream of Weenie will come back and nurse us back to sanity with its clear eyed optimism. But our local and state governments simply cannot fathom the idea of Capitalism working, and they have stifled private innovation in their Kafkaesque quest to hold us under the authoritarian thumb of Communism. I Dream of Weenie will prove that the only way out of a crisis is through the Invisible Hand.

4. The Picnic Tap

Hunter's Station was designed to be an ode to the powers of commerce. It separated the shops in the mall from the food court, yet stayed equal. But, of course, as we've seen countless times before, they bought into the myth of "togetherness" (Socialism) and made people of all classes dine together in a common eating area. There appears to be a ray of hope, though. The Picnic Tap is distancing itself from the communal punishment it subjected its patrons to since inception, and is now only filling to-go orders and transportable beer containers. So what if it is all for this lie of an illness? They have stood up to "community" and now respect individual liberty. It is something beautiful to behold.

Truth will prevail!

Sadly, not everyone tunes into the EIB Network, so they do not know the reality of the situation. Rush Limbaugh, who does not believe smoking causes cancer and is a regular smoker who now has lung cancer, is absolutely correct again when he tells us that COVID-19 is nothing but a mild case of the flu. He wouldn't lie about that, because if the rumors of the illness were true, his entire listener base would perish! Have you ever even met anyone with COVID-19? Checkmate. So go out to church. Shake hands with the entire congregation. Lick the toilet bowl in the church bathroom. And then? Go out for some hot dogs. Nashville is open for business, whether the bureaucrats in Washington want you to know it or not. The private sector will save us. Crisis begets innovation, after all. The products that prevail in this hysterical time will likely be some of the most innovative in the history of the world. Cooper and his shadow government will never learn.

Yes, please!! Ha ha Bernie Sandinista is a Communist.